I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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