i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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