Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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