I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
