my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
