dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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