just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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