As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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