thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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