theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
its not stalking. its research.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
