She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
