Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
