beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize