you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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