I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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