All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
