I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize