U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
