Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
