If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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