I wish I could teleport
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Randomize
