I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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