He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
