What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
