were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Still dying that you shit outside
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
