I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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