I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
