do herpes really smell.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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