every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize