I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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