i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she pinky promised me she was 18
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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