They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
