God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
