Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
