life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Randomize
