Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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