You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
