Your mouth is God's brothel.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
