so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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