I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
