I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Porn is love you can see.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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