So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
