so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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