I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize