She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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