Did you just see the Batmobile???
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
