i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
