Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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