On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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