i would punch a child for taco bell
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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