the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
