The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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