I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
