I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she peed on how many people?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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