Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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