just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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