my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
