Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
