Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
