i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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