hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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