i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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