i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
