No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
