What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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