I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
