1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
