if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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