On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
